Where's my Confidence?

TL:DR; highlighted portions = tips.

So, I'm not the most confident person in the world.

Just kidding, here's a photo of me breathing fire:

No, really that's me. Check it out.

So, restart, rephrase - I, like everyone else, have a comfort zone. One which I strive to expand by venturing out of. While I don't encourage everyone to lose a few eyebrows in the way I did, I do encourage my friends to do things that may make them a little socially uncomfortable.

Now, there are different kinds of socially uncomfortable. There's the, "Hmm, that girl is really cute, but I don't know how to approach her" uncomfortable and then there's the "I wish this creep would stop hitting on me" uncomfortable (and ironically, the latter situation would probably occur a lot less if more decent guys would get over the former and introduce themselves). Today, I'm mostly going to be talking about the former - the social anxiety that "maybe I don't belong here?"

What's this got to do with dancing? Well, many guys that start ballroom dancing as a means of getting out of their comfort zone (those that were drug to their first lesson by their significant other notwithstanding). It's a great place to meet people and it's a skill you'll have your whole life. And while plenty of people meet someone special in the course of their dancing, I hear a certain phrase uttered very often regarding the "benefits of ballroom":

 "Builds confidence."

And sure, why not? Learning something new is tough, and the accomplishment is enough to make anyone feel good. Show off a little at weddings. Have some newcomers ask you for help. Hit on that cute Silver dancer at the social. Post some fancy facebook photos to awe your lab partners.

Maybe, for some people, ballroom has no negative psychological side-effects whatsoever. Well, I may be an exception to this, because quite frankly, ballroom makes me second-guess myself all the time now.

I suppose this is a good time to mention that these are just some "side-effects" I've experienced lately. I've been competing seriously for about 2 years now, and was dancing a bit more casually for a few years prior to that. And lately, I've noticed some things creeping into my psyche that weren't much around before.

What do I do at ballroom social dances?

This one gets me all the time. The last social dance studio I "belonged" didn't double as a "competitive" studio, but luckily the owner was really cool. He liked the idea of competitive dancers around, so he gave us a pretty sweet deal on practice space (occasionally, we'd teach a social dance class in return). But I had trouble sticking around for the socials. Not because I felt that I was "too good", but because I had a hard time dialing-down the technique. I wasn't having fun sometimes. Ok, a lot of times. And I get really uncomfortable at these events.

That's an important distinction, mind you - the "I'm too good for these people" versus "Man, I wish I could go full-speed". I don't mind dancing with newcomers - I have a lot of fun dancing with someone just starting their ballroom journey, particularly when they're excited and in a good mood. But I've put a lot of time into my dancing, and sometimes, I like to cut it loose. It's hard to go from "Fallaway reverse slip-pivot, Overspin, Tumble-turn, Throwaway" to nothing but box steps off-time for 3 hours straight.

As my dear friend Kevin, who is a top-notch, studio-quality drummer, put it - "You know, I like playing the drums. But if I were stuck in a band with nothing but fourth graders who are just picking up their instruments, I might have a hard time keeping sane." Don't take away that I would call newcomers or strictly-social dancers "fourth graders" - take away that when I sit behind the drums, I still like a challenge now and then. And possibly my favorite beats are a little too complex for this band.

Perhaps not the worst fate

What do I do at social dances of other styles?

I like to swing dance. I like to salsa dance. I like to blues dance. And on rare occasions, often involving hard liquor, I like to break/club/whatever happens dance at a nightclub.

But man, does it terrify me.

Yep. Even as a prominent member of the world's largest swing dance group for years, I still get pretty self-conscious while there. Oh, not when I'm in a pocket of high schoolers that can't stay on-time and there's a camera nearby. It's when I get close to the people that can actually lindy.

Never mind placing at a bunch of local salsa events judged by amateurs that fall for stupid dips and poor technique in the name of flare. I saw the coaches watching and shaking their heads.

Sure, the cute new girl at blues is blushing when she sees I'm looking at her while dancing. But it's the other cute girl that also happens to do this 3 nights a week who I'm worried about.

Ironically, the opposite of the previous fear is no better. I have tasted "glory". Having been "the best" at a few events, knowing what it's like to "really understand" something. It's hard to go back. And more importantly, you know that with every step at a salsa event, you do nothing more than prove your ignorance. Every time I put Latin styling in my Lindy, I know I'm disrespecting the culture of the group that has welcomed me into their social. I actually used to have a lot more fun and confidence at these things before I became intrinsically familiar with a single style, but those days are gone now that I know how deep any one rabbit hole can go. And it's nerve-racking to know that you don't know what you don't know.

In my defense, some people make this one worse. Nothing pisses me off more than this one - 

"Do you swing dance a lot?"
"No, I normally ballroom dance."
"Yeah, I could tell."

SOCIAL DANCERS: Unless the next phrase you utter is:
 - "You have great posture"
 - "Your leads are so clear"
 - "Your timing is spot-on", 
then PISS OFF, ELITIST SNOB. The dude/lady just admitted that they were out of their comfort zone - don't frickin' alienate them. That's rude.

(Ballroom dancers, if you recognize someone has ballet training, you can go with:

• You turn so smoothly
• You spot so well
• You have great posture,

but not "I can tell") 

What do I do at weddings?

Wedding receptions have lately been a source of stress for me. There are 2 names on the invitation, and if neither of them are mine, it ain't my day. That being said, I do know how to dance. And I'm stuck in a room with a dance floor and 2-4 hours of music and a lot of pretty girls. Guess what's gonna happen?

This one kills me. I REALLY want to lay low at these things, but I also want to have fun. I happen to have a rather "silly" set of dance moves when I'm having fun. But then, the criticism comes out. This one shows up at social dances too, but you more likely find it at these not-just-a-dance gatherings. The truly devious self-esteem killer that hurts the most when I'm just being me.

"Show-off."

First and foremost, Thumper said it best:

...so SHUT IT DRUNK COUSIN OF THE BRIDE WHO IS IGNORING HIS GIRLFRIEND (too specific?).

Secondly, you're wrong. I like dancing to my fullest potential. It's fun. The more difficult moves are more fun to pull off. And I'm not trying to show off. I'm just dancing, and it so happens that you are impressed and intimidated.

Finally, what if I am? So what? I spend thousands of dollars a year and countless hours and copious amounts of energy to achieve the ability to SHOW OFF. If you could dunk a basketball from the free-throw line, and we were hanging out one day by a court, you'd PROBABLY WANT TO SHOW THAT YOU CAN. And I, for one, would clap.

For the record - what I do at weddings: Try to dance off to the side, stick to moves that aren't terribly flashy, minimize styling (No "pro-grade" New Yorks!), avoid progressive (travelling) dances, and smile/say thank you when people comment. But at open-bar weddings, the story might be SLIGHTLY different.

Am I even getting anywhere?

Sounds kinda nihilistic, especially after going from Bronze to Champ Semifinalist in 2 years. But when I won Novice, I lost in Prechamp. And when I made Champ finals, I knew there were people missing. And even when I see the score sheet that says "Top 12" for USA Dance nationals, I know there are another 12 couples not on that list because they were too busy competing internationally to be bothered with US Nationals.

Wise Words

I hardly ever think, "Dang, I'm so good" (I find I tend to get a big slice of humble pie shortly after that thought). Instead, I think, "how much better can I get by [x]?" Not to say I'm not proud to show off my videos to family and coworkers. But yeah, I am humbled anytime I see my coach or walk into Manhattan Ballroom, because IT'S BEEN DONE. Can it be extraordinary if there's a room full of people who can do it better? I tell myself, "yeah, it's still impressive, right?" - but that doesn't mean I'm impressed. And I'm not sure that's a bad mentality - it certainly keeps me driven - but I do know that it's NOT confidence.

So what?

Where does this leave me? Well, nowhere in particular. I could try to "win" by becoming the best at all things. I could give up and go home. Or I could still go out salsa dancing, ask a girl that's way better to dance with me, and enjoy myself after realizing that it wasn't so hard. I've dug so much out of certain veins of my comfort zone that it became constricted in others. So, I'll continue becoming better at something I love, and understand that wherever there are people, I'll have to still take risks in order to enjoy myself.

Is this being a bit too candid? Possibly. But hey, that's just another step out of my comfort zone.

Ballroom Propaganda

Hey :) just some minimalist stuff I put together while waiting to go to a social tonight.

All meant in good fun, of course.

Thinkin' I might do a smooth one too.

10 Graphs about Ballroom Lifestyle

So, I do a lot of Data Visualization at work. And I do a lot of ballroom dancing when I'm not at work. Actually, I dance at work too, but typically when I'm on a conference call and am not required to sit still.

Anyway, here are a few graphs that popped into my head about the Dancer Lifestyle. Enjoy!

The Stigma of the Collegiate Dancer

WARNING: There may be a little bit of ranting going on

"Dude, what's up with these marks?"

To all of my friends who started ballroom dancing competitively in college (or immediately thereafter), we've all felt that anger. The frustration that a couple of judges marked us first, but one mark was so low that it cost us a place. That the judges in one level put us above a certain couple, but the judges for another level decided differently.

Believe me, I've been there. In my last competition, 3 judges had us taking first. However, despite 3 first-place marks in the Tango, we took 5th in the dance, and fifth overall.

I was frustrated for a week or two, but I got over it. And this blog post is dedicated to the realization that made me shrug it off.

The majority of the other competitors in the competition were collegiate-dancers-gone-amateur. By "collegiate," I mean they started their ballroom journeys sometime after the age of 18 (I'm sure "collegiate" is a bit of a misnomer, but deal with it). I realize we all share a trait that I call "The Stigma of the Collegiate Dancer."

One couple that out-placed us had better connection than myself and my partner, but we clearly had them on stride and topline. Another couple had great stretch in their lines and complex choreography, but at the expense of clean footwork and musicality.

So, what happens? Apparently, we had three "stride-and-topline" judges, and the rest were not. Or our clean topline was not as clean as the stretchiness of the other couple's stretch. At first, my reaction was to feel victimized by the draw, but now that I look back on it, I say, 

"Yup."

Let's play "Spot the Broken Line"

The stigma is this - you do some things great, and others, not so much. And that sticks out like a sore thumb. You probably got where you are due to a couple of great tricks, but now you're running up against competitors with equal-yet-different tricks. And yeah, your marks are now subject to the luck of the draw. Whose trick do the judges like?

So why do I say this is the collegiate dancer? Simply, because I don't feel this happens much in the youth crowd. At least not to the glaring extent of collegiate dancers. And why is that? Because, if at any point in time in the 10 years of your youth dancing, your coach looks at you and thinks, "nice stride and topline, but not stretchy enough," guess what you spend the next few months practicing? Having a longer journey from scratch with hands held along the way, you are less likely to develop prominently impressive characteristics or distractingly offensive habits.

Take myself and my personal favorite dancer, Mirko Gozzoli, for example. You put him and me on the same dance floor, there's no "Oh, look at his topline", "Oh, his stretch is a little better", "Nice musicality" - you see a holistically better performance from the former WDC world champion (currently top of WDSF), with no concessions to myself (save that my name is easier to pronounce). While perhaps not on the same order of magnitude, I feel this is what happens when judges see two youth couples. They've been coached away from bad habits and developed the good habits at a fairly distributed rate. One will likely paint an overall better picture, subject to very few matters of "taste".

So, how to defeat the symptoms of being a collegiate dancer? Not that I'm an authoritative source, but if you saw me dancing Bronze versus Champ, you'd see a number of habits that have disappeared. Though there are many forms this can take, I'm pretty sure it comes down to this: Get more information, then act on it. This of course applies to any skill. In our world, this takes the form of lessons and practice. I personally like taking regular private lessons from multiple coaches (I have one that's big on clean footwork and timing, and another that's keen on connection and internal adjustments), but some prefer a single coach. Others will take lessons few and far between from judges that see them dance regularly.

Whatever approach, you need to make sure you understand that there is always something you can do better. In order to progress in your skill (and by extension, your marks), you need to not blame the judges or other couples and instead invest the time, energy, and other resources ($) to improve yourself.

I hear tell that there comes a point where politics play a big - if not the biggest - factor in one's placement. Oh that I were only skilled enough to worry that others' reputations were dependent upon my results. But until I am SO good in my basics that I need worry about judges' preferences, I have little to complain about other than the lack of time I can invest in getting better. And even that's just a lame excuse. If it's worth complaining about, then it's worth prioritizing.

Ultimately, it comes down to this:

At any given moment, you are exactly as good as you are. If you don't like your results, then get better.

Am I way off in my understanding of the youth dancer experience, either from the dancer or judge opinion? Can anybody shed some light either way? I'd love to hear from you. Comments or CloudCray@gmail.com

Ballroom and Disney

  Yeah, we all grew up with Disney. So, if you're looking for an a few fan-serves at your next social (or perhaps a theme for a party), here you go - a list of ballroom songs by Disney!

 Feel free to comment with any additional suggestions

Monsters, Inc - Theme Song - Quickstep

Little Mermaid - Under the Sea - Mambo/Salsa

Little Mermaid - Kiss the Girl - Am Rumba

Emperor's New Groove - Run Llama Run - Quickstep

Aladdin - Arabian Nights - Tango

Aladdin - Come to the Supermarket (Stage Show) - Quickstep

Aladdin - Friend Like Me - Quickstep/Samba

Aladdin - Prince Ali - Quickstep/Samba

Aladdin - Whole New World - Rumba

Aladdin - One Jump - Quickstep

Mulan - I'll Make a Man Out of You - Paso Doble

Toy Story - You've Got a Friend in Me - Foxtrot

Toy Story 3 - You've Got a Friend in Me - Paso Doble

Oliver and Company - Why Should I Worry - Jive

Mickey Mouse Club - Theme Song - Tango

Sleeping Beauty - Once Upon a Dream - V Waltz

Lion King - Just Can't Wait to be King - Quickstep/Samba

Lion King - Hakuna Matata - Quickstep

Lion King - Can You Feel The Love Tonight - Rumba

Tarzan - Strangers Like Me - Rumba

Tarzan - You'll Be In My Hear - Rumba

Tarzan - Trashin the Camp - East Coast Swing

101 Dalmatians - Cruella DeVille - Foxtrot

Mary Poppins - Chim Chimney - V Waltz

Duck Tales - Theme - Jive

Tail Spin - Theme - Samba

Beauty and the Beast - Gaston - V Waltz

Beauty and the Beast - Belle - Tango

Snow White - Someday My Prince Will Come - V Waltz

Snow White - Silly Song - Polka

Hercules - Zero to Hero - Jive

Hercules - I Won't Say I'm in Love - Chacha/West Coast

Lady and the Tramp - He's a Tramp - Foxtrot

Lady and the Tramp - Bella Notte - V Waltz

Jungle Book - I Wanna Be Like You - Quickstep

Jungle Book - Bare Necessities - Quickstep

Pinocchio - Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee - Polka

Parent Trap - Let's Get Together - East Coast Swing

Aristocats - Everybody Wants to be a Cat - Foxtrot/(Quickstep)

Aristocats - Thomas O'Malley - Foxtrot

Finding Nemo - Theme - Waltz

Cinderella - So This is Love - Waltz

USER SUGGESTED:
Hunchback of Notre Dame - God Save the Outcasts - Waltz
Mulan - True to Your Heart (Credits) - ChaCha
Disneyland? - The Tiki Tiki Tiki Room - Mambo/Salsa
Tangled - When Will My Life Begin - West Coast Swing/ChaCha
Princess and the Frog - Dig a Little Deeper - Quickstep
Princess and the Frog - Almost There - East Coast Swing
Ratatouille - Le Festin - V Waltz

Oh, and the award for Most Dance-able movie goes to:
Nightmare Before Christmas
 - Jack's Obsession (Something's Up With Jack) - V Waltz
 - Oogie Boogie's Song - Foxtrot
 - What's This - Tango
 - Kindap the Sandy Claws - Tango
 - This Is Halloween - Samba
 - Jack and Sally's Song - Bolero

ALSO, TECHNICALLY, since Star Wars is now owned by Disney:
The Cantina Song - Quickstep
Imperial March - Tango
Duel of the Fates - Paso Doble
Main Theme - Tango

EDIT: See the related Judging Dance in Disney Films post!

Dance Legends, Night 1

  First and foremost, be jealous. I got front-row tickets to the best ballroom show in America - Dance Legends 2013. I ALSO received an invitation to the VIP after-party, which involved rubbing shoulders with the organizers and performers over a well-prepared cocktail. I imagine many of the pros would've rather headed home for a bit of rest - either in recovery or preparation - but the majority of these Legends proved that they were champions off the floor as well by rallying and meeting with other less-qualified dance-world citizens (like myself).

If you don't know what Dance Legends is, either you're not a regular in the ballroom community, or you've somehow managed to dance under a rock the last two years. Dance Legends is an assembly of the best-of-the-best ballrooms dancers this world has to offer - past and present. Last night, attendees enjoyed watching routines from 5 legendary couples, boasting:

- Current Latin World Champions Riccardo and Yulia

- Current Standard World Champions Arunas and Katusha

- 11 Time Undefeated US Amateur Latin Champions Eugene and Maria, who came out of retirement

- Former Latin World Champions and Current Finalists Michael and Joanna

- Current World Standard Finalists Victor and Anastasia

And that's just last night. Attendees also enjoyed performances from the current youth Salsa World Chamions, the top ProAm smooth couple, and a local group of swing dancers.

If you didn't get a chance to meet the performers, there was still plenty of opportunity to bump into a dancesport celebrity. Big names like Anna Mikhed, Ieva Pauksena, and Mayo Alanen dressed to the nines and enjoyed the show from the stands. And if you've competed anyewhere in the US, you'd be sure to recognize a few of the faces that travelled from all over to see the best take to the floor.

I found it interesting to see the different approaches the performers took to their choreography. Arunas and Katusha used nearly competition-esque routines with a few dramatic pauses and lifts (with the exception of the Quickstep, which involved shadow-position scattered chasses), while Victor and Anastasia put together 5 all-new routines just for this show. In my opinion, their tango was the peak of the standard performances.

Latin, by, nature, tends to be a bit more showcase-oriented (you remove some magic from standard when floorcraft isn't an issue). Riccardo and Yulia danced very sharp as always, showing off a wonderful costume choice in the samba with a tear-away train skirt. Michael and Joanna brought a bit more of an interpretive twist to their Paso Doble, dropping the music for a few figures, where they provided the beat with a long, complex series of Flamenco Taps and Appels. Eugene and Maria danced very familiar routines, which was in very good taste, as they were coming out of retirement for the show, ending their performance with their famous chacha to "Mercy". Of all the performers, Eugene struck me as the most engaging, likely due to the large number of his students who turned up to cheer for their coach.

Of all the things I saw last night, possibly my favorite sight was the reaction of the other professionals who were NOT performing. Watching Mirko and Edita or Anna Mikhed during any standard showcase proved that they were hard to impress, but they hung on the edge of their seats during the Latin. There were times when a few of the pros would all "ooo" at once, and I had no idea what I had just missed, and likewise, times that I was awestruck, and they yawned. Apparently I've got a few years to go before I have an eye for "what's good."

Today, at Manhattan Ballroom in NYC, the whole place is abuzz with lessons. But unlike many Saturdays, a few of the country's best current dancers are taking lessons rather than giving them. Dance Legends attracts quite the crowd, including some of the most respectable judges of the more prestigious competitions. I just got to see Arunas stand and watch an instructor show him "how it's done." It's both comforting and intimidating to know that the work never stops.

I can't wait for the show tonight. I've never had the pleasure of seeing Mirko and Edita live, and was disappointed when I learned they had cancelled prior to last year's show due to splitting their partnership. I imagine they'll dance twice as hard to make up for it! With another 6 professional couples (and a group performance by some of the best standard amateurs), tonight promises to be an experience to remember.

Syllabus Moves by Silliness of Name in Ascending Order

Sometimes, a figure is named for a simple play-by-play of footwork and timing. Other times, it can be a bit more...creative. Here we have a few notable examples of the normally nuanced, but occasionally silly, nomenclature of ballroom figures.

Fallaway Reverse and Slip Pivot Tango This figure rotates in the Reverse direction, and after a step into Fallaway position, the woman performs a Slip, and the couple Pivots. Unimaginative enough.

Three Step Foxtrot Also doesn't leave much to the imagination.

Kick Ball Change Jive "How do I count that one again?" and "What is the footwork?" summed up in the name.

Chasse from PP Waltz pffft "PP" haha I'm in seventh grade. Anyway, a Chasse, performed starting in Promenade Position.

Promenade and Couter Promenade Runs Samba Go jogging. Then practice these. Now tell me if they feel similar AT ALL. Still though, descriptive enough.

Reverse Wave Foxtrot This sounds more like an attack out of a Pokémon game.

Quagsire is trying to learn HEEL TURN! But, (like most Bronze Dancers), Quagsire can only learn 4 moves! Sixteen Paso Doble Not to be confused with "The eight" or "the four". Or the waltz variant, "the three".

Hover Feather Foxtrot Legend of Zelda, anyone? "You have obtained the Hover Feather! Equip it to float above..." [WOW, I gotta stop playing video games so much...] {Yes, I'm aware it's the Roc's Feather in the game that allows you to "float". Get over it.}

What I feel like after a good private lesson Botafogo Samba Oooo, some culture. Imagine dancing on a hot beach in Brazil, where the sand is cooler about an inch under the surface. You'd dig your feet into the sand on every step, or else end up with your "boots on fire" (botas de fogo).

Natural Zig Zag from PP Foxtrot Someone's kid named this one, I'm sure.

Sur Place Paso Doble "In Place" - most dances, this is what you're supposed to do when you mess up. In Paso, we do it on purpose. And we even give it a name. Mostly, this one just upsets me because although yes, Paso was created in France (sur place is French), but they were trying to make it like Spanish bullfighting. WELL THAT'S HARD TO DO BECAUSE MOST MATADORS DON'T WALK IN PLACE, IN FRENCH.

An open figure, known as the "Courez pour sauver votre vie" Wing Waltz This figure is more like a cape to me. A Batman cape. Which I guess is supposed to look like wings. Nevermind, I just want to be Batman.

New York Rumba I have been to New York several times now, and no two people have addressed me by rapidly turning away from one another while holding hands (save for studio and competition time).

V6 Quickstep It's like The Sixteen, but has letters. Also, an engine block.

Still expends less energy than I do while quickstepping Mini Five Step Tango 1. You only take 4 steps. Apparently, in Tango, lowering a foot counts as an additional step?  2. "Mini"? Really? We can't just give it its own name?

Cucarachas Rumba What romantic dance would be complete without stomping out some cockroaches?

The most romantic of insects Catapult Jive As if Jive wasn't already wild enough, let's let the girl know that we are INTENTIONALLY going to fling her about, possibly launching her several hundred yards via simple machines.

Fishtail Quickstep Did someone who love cars have a lot of influence in naming the quickstep figures? V6? Fishtail? What next, "The BrakeLight?"

Hockey Stick Cha Cha  Oh look, the Canadians had a say in something. "This move curves a little. What else curves a little?"

Canadian Romance at its finest Rumba Cross Quickstep There's a heel lead. What Rumba is this?!

Turkish Towel Cha Cha  Remember that scene from Disney? "Ain't never had a friend like me"? All I can think of.

Genie demonstrates some proper latin motion The Miami Special Jive Not sure if this is something you would order at a burger joint, or on a pay-per-view channel.

Tipsy Quickstep Seems appropriate that this figure has a lot of sway...

The Mooch Jive No, really, in ballroom? We named something that? Completely serious?